The Young Ones (Snupack Fanfic)
by AlasandroTheHP
Summary: Remus, Regulus and Severus are: Young, Dumb, Hot, and absolutely confused with what they're going to do with their lives. So, as any other logical person would, Regulus decided they should all live together. He used these exact words to persuade them, "Look Remus, I wanna fuck you...but I also wanna fuck Sev, sooo let's all live together and have a massive orgy! Doggystyle!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One: Moving in

"_Whelp, this is my new life_" Severus thought, as he propped his chin on his arm, resting against the car window. He, Remus and Regulus were moving into their new house; now you may be asking - WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY LIVING TOGETHER?! - Well if you read the story details you would know, ya idiot, but since I'm so lovely I'm gonna give you a quick run-through.

Regulus is horny for Remus... but also for Sev, so they're gonna be horny for each other together!

Remus leaned closer to Severus, "Are you excited?" He asked quietly, covering his mouth with his hand so Regulus - who was driving the car listening to a ten-hour version of the Seinfeld theme song - couldn't hear him. "Honestly," Severus said softly "This isn't the worst thing I've been apart of" Remus let out a snort, and struggled to compose himself but then he got thrown into the seat in front of him, face first as the car came to a sudden halt, "AW FUCK!" Remus shouted as he pulled himself from the front seat. "WE'RE FUCKING HERE!" Regulus yelled at them as he burst out of the car.

Regulus helped Severus and Remus out of the car, they stood in front of the mansion, "Aye, nice here ain't it?" He asked no one in particular, as he placed his hands on his hips, grinning. "How did you afford this Reg?!" Remus asked in awe as he approached the mansion slowly, "Oh, I just stole my mother's money" He replied nonchalantly, "Excuse me WHAT?!" Severus yelled in shock, his eyebrows raised and his jaw dropped.

"It's no big deal" Regulus smirked as he walked into the mansion.

The Mansion echoed their footsteps, it smelled of fresh oak wood and parchment, "I can't wait to start our lives here" Regulus spoke, as he broke the silence between them, Remus piped up "Wait... where the hell are we going to buy food?"

Regulus froze and then let out a loud "FUCK!" that echoed around the house

(Please comment or like idfk if this is good or not, I bet it's shit, sorry if this too short later chapters will be longer...so yeah BYE I'm out!)


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two: Shopping

So since Regulus didn't know where to buy food, Severus had to drive around to find a place that sells groceries. "Regulus stop kicking my seat!" Severus yelled at Regulus, "Drive fasterrrrr" He whined like a child, continuing to kick Severus' seat, Remus snorted at this and quietly encouraged him.Severus parked near the shopping store, "Ti-sco, What the hell is that?" Regulus asked in confusion as he raised his eyebrows reading the shop sign. "It's Tesco's Reg" Severus corrected, softly as he pulled out a shopping cart, Remus took Regulus' hand and walked him inside the shop, Severus swiftly followed behind them.

Instantly the second they went inside the store, Regulus made a dash to the confectionary aisle, picking up multiple types of candy and launching it into the cart, with a massive smirk on his face when he saw Remus' gobsmacked expression.

Severus just gave out a puff of air from exhaustion of Regulus' antics, "_Already, he's doing this shit? _" he didn't have the energy to scold Regulus, so he left Remus to hopefully scold him. Remus' scolding of Regulus, went down like this:

"Reg, put all of that back"

"Nooooooo!"

"Regulus, I swear to Merlin"

"Make me put it back!"

"I'm giving you to the count of three, Reg"

"Numbers don't mean shit to me,"

"One"

"Try me, bitch"

"Two"

"I'm an adult, you're not my fucking dad!"

"Three,"

Remus, grabbed Regulus by his neck and shoved him into a headlock. Remus slammed Regulus onto the ground, and then he threw himself on top of him, he screamed "I'M YOUR DADDY NOW!" Severus briskly strolled away from them, not wanting to draw attention to himself for any longer, "_I'm the real daddy here_," he said in his mind, smirking a little.

"Okay, what shall we have for dinner?" Severus tenderly asked, Remus, who had caught up with him with Regulus stumbling behind them. "Can we have...Umm..'Brown Knees' for dinner?" Reggie, proposed bewildered as he pointed at a box. Severus' eyebrows knitted together as he came over to where Regulus was, looking at the box he declared "Reggie no we cannot have that for dinner, but we can have that for desert if you wish, also it's pronounced as 'Brownies'"

Regulus was adamant that he said 'Brownies' correctly to Severus,

"Yeah, I said it correctly, Sev it's 'Brown Knees'"

"No Reg, it's 'Brownies' Br-ow-n-ies"

"Sev, I know that you're a smartass but I'm right"

"And what makes you correct, Regulus may I ask?"

"Well y'know I could actually afford to go to school, so - SHIT!"

Regulus screeched as Severus removed his wand from his pocket, he aimed it at him.

"Scourgify" He calmly said. Remus proceeded to gasp as Regulus' mouth filled up with rose coloured suds, as he tried to talk he choked on the suds, spurting them out everywhere.

"So, why did you Scourgify him? I know that you know more curses and jinx's than that" Remus questioned Severus, who was currently smirking in amusement as he analysed his work, "He needed to wash that filthy mouth of his" He replied icily, his eyes narrowing as he turned away with shopping cart, heading to the checkout.

Severus paid for the items without uttering a word to anyone, Remus thanked the cashier while Regulus he failed to thank the cashier "T-ThANnk yoUuu" He spat out more suds saying that, the cashier just gave a small smile, trying to avoid the awkwardness of it all.

"Regulus get out the fucking shopping cart or I'm going to cut you" Severus sneered at Regulus, as he had his leg up over the shopping cart, "Damn Sev you're salty today" he commented as Severus pulled out a pocketknife and launched himself at Regulus, The dickhead known as 'Regulus, Reg or Reggie' bolted off shrieking "I'M FUCKING SORRY, SEVERUS"

"_Why the fuck did I become a part of this fucking family?_" Remus thought as he loaded the shopping into the trunk of the car.

(HEYYY DID I DO GOOD? NO? OKAY PLEASE COMMENT OR SOME SHIT!)


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three: The 'Hard' Way to Cook

So after the tiring brawl in the parking lot of Tesco's (Where the firefighters had to be called because of Regulus getting stuck in a tree after trying to escape Severus, whom had to be bodily restrained by Remus and five of the firefighters to stop him from murdering Reggie) Remus pulled up in the driveway and got out of the driver's seat. He told Regulus firmly he was to carry in the shopping because of his poor behaviour, while he forced Severus to be handcuffed to him.

"But I don't wanna carry the shopppinggggg!" Regulus whined, stamping his feet like a toddler having a tantrum.

"Oh merlin, Regulus, stop acting like a child for once!" Remus scolded him, "Unless you want Severus to shove his pocketknife up your ass, carry the shopping into the house."

Regulus groaned and reluctantly carried the shopping into the house, "Jokes on you, Remy, I love being fisted" He mumbled as he stumbled into their place.

About an hour later, twenty meltdowns from Regulus and two depressive monologues from Severus, they had unpacked the shopping and prepped everything for their dinner and dessert.

"Okay, let's get started on the brownies first" Remus exclaimed simply, "Ahem, it's called 'Brown knees' Remus I think you would find" Regulus said smugly, Severus groaned loudly "Oh my Merlin Regulus, are you fucking kidding me?!"

Regulus chuckled "No, but there will be a 'Kid in me' soon"

"Boys! Boys! Stop arguing!" Remus blushed heavily at what Regulus said, he pushed the two men apart from each other.

Severus huffed and crossed his arms while Regulus stuck his tongue out at him; like a toddler would. Remus looked at the first step "Add in a mixed egg, butter, and some heavy cream into a cup" He told them softly as he looked over the recipe more.

Regulus mixed it all up and tasted it "Ew, Reg!" Remus exclaimed in disgust at Regulus's blatantly dangerous actions.

Regulus giggled happily, taunting Remus as he dipped his fingers into the mixture again, licking it with a cheeky smile. "Reggie, no more," Severus told him firmly, he pointed his index finger at him; like a parent would to their badly behaving child.

"Sev...why are you NAKED?!" Remus suddenly realised that Severus, all along had no clothes on, only an apron that said "Kiss the girl" on it. Severus blushed faintly as he mumbled "I feel free when I'm naked" Regulus snorted at them both, Remus squinted at the childish man, "You. Corner. Now." He gritted with his teeth.

Regulus snorted again "Alright, alright," He said nonchalantly, as he backed up into the corner of the room, his arms in the air; like he was surrendering to Remus. Remus smirked at the younger male as he came over to him, he swiftly repositioned Regulus onto his left knee in the blink of an eye.

"Wha?!-" Regulus said, dazed before—SMACK! And then a yelp "Ow!" from Reg. Remus was spanking Regulus with a wooden spoon.

Severus cackled loudly with pure amusement, while Regulus began to get horny, "Ah-h-h-h!~ Yes d-daddy ah!~" He moaned while Remus slapped Regulus's head "Get your head out of the gutter, you horny git!"

Regulus rolled his eyes and smirked "How are you gonna stop me, daddy?~" He moaned, exaggeratedly. "Mobilicorpus" Remus utter quietly with a swish and flick of his wand at Regulus, which the incantation immediately took effect.

The childish man called Reggie was wrapped up tight in invisible binds, he grunted as he hit the floor with a THUD!

Meanwhile, while all this madness was happening—Severus, the naked male, had made all the food and cooked it. He plated it carefully, making sure it looked presentable to his tastes—his tastes were extremely high and critical.

"Dinner!" He called from the dining area, as set the plates down. Remus undid the incantation and helped Regulus up, he received a rough "Thanks" from him.

They sat down and ate dinner, during the meal Reggie was unusually quiet; something was definitely not right with him. "Reggie?" Remus tapped the youngest male on the shoulder gently, to get his attention. Reg did something odd?—he shivered suddenly as he hastily sat up, stood still for a moment before racing to the bathroom.

Remus's eyes darted towards, Severus's eyes widened instead as he swiftly went after Regulus, Remus joined him soon after.

The sight that greeted them was—the back of Regulus's body, kneeled over the toilet bowl as loud retching sounds came from his mouth, Remus and Severus both exchanged looks that read "The mixture from brownies" Severus mouthed "Food poisoning" to Remus, he then went over to the younger male and rubbed circles on his back—this all meant one thing...

They were going to look after a moody and sick Regulus for awhile.

(IM BACKKKKK! I wrote up ALL of this after I saw a comment from idixo1111 who simply commented 'Please continue' thank you nice person for the motivation! Hope you enjoy this chapter!)


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